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LATIFAHO

TUYONA OYAD…

SHakhse ba dustash uzr ovard:j

– Bubakhsh, man ba tuyat rafta nametavonam.

Vay dar javob guft:

– Boke ne, tuyona oyad!

 

DASTI BAQUVVAT NADORAM

Zan dukhtarashro duoi bad karda, meguft:

– Oh, sari sakhtam! Hama dugonahoi man kayho bibi shudaandu…

– Hayr?

– Hayr-khayr! O tu kay ba shavhar mebaroi?

– Hej goh!

– Baroi chi?

– CHunki ba misli shumo dastoni baquvvat nadoram.

– O ba in dasti baquvvat chi dakhl dorad?

– Dorad. Agar ne, man ba monandi shumo… ha-ha, ba monandi shumo du khaltai purborro chi khel az magozavu bozorho kashida meoram?..

H O B

Deputate az sesiya barmegasht.

Pursidand:

– On jo chi mekardi?

Guft:

– Hob!

JONAM MEBAROYAD

Rohzane sari rohi mardero girifta, amr kard:

– Pulro baror!

Mard guft:

– In az imkon berun ast.

Rohzan hayron shuda, pursid:

– CHaro?

Mard javob dod:

– CHunki az pul peshtar jonam mebaroyad!

JOY NADODAND

Marde ba khonaash khursand omada, guft:

– Holo man javon budaam.

Zanash khandid:

– Ki guft?

Mard guft:

– Okhir, dar avtobus kase ba man joy nadod…

 

BEHUNAR

 

Zane ba dugonaash guft:

– CHaro shavhari maro zadi?

Dugonaash javob dod:

– Okhir, vay maro busid…

Zan khandid:

– E gam nakhur, az in beshtar hunare nadorad.

Dugonaash guft:

– Man, okhir, az hamin behunariash ba gazab omadam!

 

ZIRAK

 

Rubohe guft:

– Hej murge az khurus ziraktar nest.

Guftand:

– Az chi doni?

Guft:

– Az on ki hej ba dastam nameaftad.

 

CHOYU CHAPPOTI

 

Marde dar peshonai binoe navishtai “Oshkhonai milli”-ro dida, chun guli qoqu shukuft.

– E, khayriyat-e! Gami mardumi tahjoiro ham mekhurdaand! – guyon davida ba oshkhona daromad.

Va shodon az peshkhizmat pursid:

– CHi dored, aka?

Vay dar javob guft:

– CHoyu chappoti!

 

BEINSOF

 

YAke ba digare meguft, ki:

– Daramro kuft-kuft, nakushodam. Oqibat daramro shikasta daromadu az guluyam girift.

Guft:

– Nakhod?! Ki budaast in beinsof?

Guft:

– Narkhu navo!

 

HAZOR LANAT

 

Piramarde ba javone meguft:

– Pesh: “Hazor rahmat ba Partiyai jonojon va Hukumati Soveti!” – meguftem.

Javon guft:

– Aknun chi?

Piramard guft:

– Namedonem ba ki: “Hazor lanat!” – guem.

 

IHTISOR

 

Marde ba marde ru ovarda, guft:

– Hej namefahmam, ki charo az yak rayon du rayonu az yak kolkhoz se kolkhoz tashkil karda istodaand.

Mardi digari guft:

– O, prezident apparatashro 40 foiz ikhtisor karda istodaast-ku!

On mard guft:

– Ikhtisori apparati prezident ba tashkili rayonu kolkhozho chi aloqa dorad?

Mardi digari guft:

– Kutohbin budai! O, odamoni ikhtisorshudaro ba korhoi rohbari tamin kardan lozim!

 

TALOSH

 

Pisar az padar pursid:

– Deputatho dar sessiya charo in qadar shuru magal mekunand?

Padar guft:

– In shuru magal ne, talosh ast.

Pisar guft:

– Taloshi chi?

Padar guft:

– Taloshi mansab.

 

“01”-U “03”

 

Piramard ba javonmarde ru ovarda, pursid:

– Meguyand, ki shabakai aloqa khususi gardonida shud?

Javonmard guft:

– Bale, shud.

Piramard guft:

– Ba khalq chi mond?

Javonmard guft:

– Du telefon.

Piramard guft:

– Kadomho?

Javonmard guft:

– “01”-u “03”.

 

BA JUZ INSOF

 

SHakhse az magozai tijorati meomad.

Az u pursidand:

– On jo chi hast?

Guft:

– Hama chiz ba juz…

Guftand:

– Ba juz shiri murg?!

Guft:

– Ne, insof!

 

BAROI HAMIN FURUSHANDA SHUD

 

Marde “Haromkhur! Qallob! Beinsof! Vijdonsukhta!” – guyon, magozaro ba sar mebardosht.

Az u pursidand:

– CHaro in khel megued?

U guft:

– In behayo na aql dorad, na insofu na vijdon.

Guftand:

– O, baroi hamin furushanda shudaast-diya!

 

KI HUJAIN

 

Az marde pursidand:

– Dar oila ki khujain: tu va yo yanga?

Vay dar javob guft:

– Man, tanho hamyon dar dasti yanga.

 

Q  A  R  Z

 

Mardero zarurate pesh omad, ba shinosash guft:

– Pul dored?

Guft:

– Bale, doram.

Guft:

– In tur boshad, hazor sum qarz bidihed.

Guft:

– Namediham.

Guft:

– CHaro?

Guft:

– CHun, ki bo dast doda, bo po davidani nestam.

 

YO  R  I

 

Marde nazdi jasade lolu hayron meistod.

Rohguzare az u pursid:

– CHi gap?

Guft:

– Tabib ba u yorii avvalin rasond.

Guft:

– Hush, chi tur?

Guft:

– Va on yorii okhirin gasht.

 

VONAMUD

 

YAkero guftand, ki:

– Dar mamlakat chi hol ast?

U guft:

– Hama vonamud ast.

Guftand:

– CHi guna?

Guft:

– Hukumat vonamud mekunad, ki muzd medihad, khalq vonamud mekunad, ki kor mekunad.

 

HUDORAHMATI

 

Pirazane az naberaash pursid:

– Kalon shavi, ki meshavi?

Naberaash zud tutivor javob dod:

– Avval apa meshavam, bad arus meshavam, bad modar meshavam, bad momo meshavam.

Pirazan ba vajd omada, boz pursid:

– Boz ki meshavi?

Naberaash zabon khoida javob dod:

– Bad… Bad khudorahmati.

 

BAROI CHIZU CHORAASH

 

Mardero, ki hamsarash az khona baromada rafta bud, pursidand:

– Zanat bargashta meomada boshad?

Guft:

– Hatman meoyad.

Guftand:

– Baroi zistan?

Guft:

– E – na! Baroi burdani chizu choraash.

 

AZ BERUN PUSH

 

SHakhsi betamize ba khonai shinosash vorid shud va guft:

– Darro bipusham?

Javob shunid:

– Bale – az berun!

 

TIN – SUM – HAZOR

 

Dar zamoni rukud mepursidand:

– Mol chand tin?

Dar zamoni bozsozi mepursidand:

– Mol chand sum?

Kunun mepursand:

– Mol chand hazor?

 

YO  R  I

 

Donishomuze pirazani zaifero did, ki turkhaltai purborro bazur mebarad. Ba u dilash sukht, rahmash omad. Az in ru ba u nazdik shuda, guft:

– YOri bidiham? – va dast ba turkhaltai pirazan daroz kard.

Pirazan bo tamomi ovoz dod zad:

– YOri dihed!

 

K I  P E SH

 

Az donishjue pursidand, ki:

– Ki pesh ba dunyo omadaast: inson yo tars?

U guft:

– Tars.

Guftand:

– CHaro?

Guft:

– Agar inson pesh ba dunyo meomad, tarsro hej goh ba dil roh namedod.

 

LOTEREYA

 

Donishju dar kashidani bilet dudila shuda mond. Ustod guft:

– Natarsida kashidan gir, imtihon ham chun lotereya ast.

Donishju guft:

– Naboshad, man bilet neyu yakbora baho kashida giram-chi?

 

NA BA ON KALLA AFTIDAAST

 

Du javonmard ru ba ru nishasta, suhbat mekardand. YAke az onho guft:

– In ideya hej ba kallai man joy namegirad.

Digari guft:

– Pas na ba on kalla aftidaast.

 

V A S I YA T

 

YAk shakarfurush ba pisarash vasiyat kard:

– Vaqte ki man murdam, hamin tarozuyamonro hamroh ba zeri khok mon.

Pisar hayron shuda, pursid:

– Baroi chi?

Padar guft:

– To ki gunohamro bo hamin tarozu barkashand.

 

M A N  O N A M

 

YAke az digare pursid, ki:

– Araq khub ast yo konyak?

Digari guft:

– Man onam, ki hukm bar gayb nakunam.

Avvali guft:

– Man onam, ki tine berun az jayb nakunam.

 

TU HAR RUZ MEOI

 

Javonero bori duyum ba milisakhona ovardand. Sardori milisa darhol uro shinokht va guft:

– SHarm namedori-a? Du bor shud, ki ba in jo meoi.

Javon gustokhona guft:

– Tu boyad sharm dori.

Sardori milisa hayron shuda, pursid:

– Baroi chi?

Javon posukh dod:

– Man hamagi du bor ba in jo omadam, tu boshh har ruz meoi.

 

SABR MEBOYAD

 

Sardori idorae ba zerdastash guft:

– Man khubam yo bad?

Zerdast guft:

– CHiro guyam?

Sardor guft:

– Haqiqatro guy!

Zerdast guft:

– Baroi in sabr meboyad.

Sardor guft:

– To kay?

Zerdast guft:

– To on ruze, ki yo tu az kor ravi, yo man.

 

HOBI BAD

 

Zan dar khob dastak mezad va figon mekard. SHavharash uro bedor kard va sabab pursid.

Zan guft:

– Hobi bade didam. Domulloe tori saram duo mekhond va joni man mebaromad.

Mard figon kashid:

– Oh, mani ablah!

Zan guft:

– CHaro in tur megui?

Mard guft:

– Okhir, yak lahza dertar bedor mekardam, nameshud.

 

H A L A L

 

YAke bo afsus meguft, ki:

– Oh, chi khel mekhoham az rui vijdon zindagi kunam!

Digari pursid:

– CHi khalal merasonad?

Guft:

– Maosh!

 

TAFOVUT

 

Ustod ba donishjue guft:

– Kapitalizmu sosializmro sharh bideh.

Donishju guft:

– Kapitalizm, in yane, ki odam odamro istismor mekunad.

Ustod guft:

– Hush, sosializm chi?

Donishju guft:

– Baraks!

 

YO   HAR  SE

 

Mard ba khona mast meoyad. Toqati hamsarash toq shuda, bo gazab dod mezanad:

– YO man yo araq?!

Mard bo zahrkhanda nido mekunad:

– YO harse!

Zan az shiddati gazab larzida, mepursad:

– Seyumash ki?

Mard meguyad:

– Zani hamsoya!

 

OBILA DORAD

 

YAke ba digare meguyad:

– Ana hamin odam deputat ast.

Digari guft:

– Az kujo donisti?

Avvali guft:

– Nuki angushtash obila dorad.

Digari guft:

– Baroi chi nuki angushti deputat boyad obila doshta boshad?

Avvali guft:

– Okhir, u ruzi daroz faqat tugmacha zer mekunad.

 

F A R Q

 

SHakhse az shinosash pursid:

– Deputat az student chi farq dorad?

Guft:

– Hej farqe.

Guft:

– Baroi chi?

Guft:

– Baroi on ki har du ham tanho hangomi sessiya kor mekunand.

 

AZ KANOR AYONTAR

 

Deputate ba yagon chorabini hamroh nameshud. Az u pursidand:

– CHaro tu hamesha dar kanor meisti?

Guft:

– Az kanor hama chi ayontar ast.

 

ZABONAM SURH

 

YAke deputatro guft:

– CHaro dar sessiyaho daho namekushoed?

Deputat guft:

– Metarsam.

Guft:

– Az chi?

Guft:

– Az on ki zabonam surkh.

Guft:

– Hayr, chi?

Guft:

– O, zaboni surkh sari sabzro medihad barbod!

 

 

LAVHA IVAZ SHUD

 

SHakhse ba dustash guft:

– Meguyand, ki vazorataton konsern shudaast.  In gap rost ast?

U guft:

– Rost! YAk sol shud.

Guft:

– Naboshad, yagon tagyirot shud?

Guft:

– SHud! Lavhai dari vazoratro digar kardand.

 

HOHISHI DIL

 

Javonmardero pursidand:

– Dilat chi mekhohad?

Guft:

– Mekhohad ba tavri kuhna kor kunamu ba tavri nav maosh giram.

 

SH O H I

 

Rustami shashsola bori nakhust az shahr ba deha, ba khona boboyash omad. Va dar kahdon shokhiro dida, guft:

– Gov alafro bo vilkai kalon mekhurdaast.

Bobo guft:

– In vilka ne, shokhi.

Nabera guft:

– Ha, vilka bo tojiki shokhi meshavad, gued.

 

BAHRI PIR

 

Anvar bori avval bahrro dida, ba padarash guft:

– In bahr pir budaast.

Padar dar taajjub monda, pursid:

– Az kujo fahmidi?

Pisar javob dod:

– Bin, ruyash purojang.

 

SHIRINU TALH

 

Dar majlise yake az hoziron pursid:

– CHist, ki avvalash shirinu oqibatash talkh?

Hoziron bo yak ovoz nido namudand:

– Vadai deputat!

 

TANHO DANDON

 

YAke bo khursandi elom dosht, ki:

– Dandoni aql barovardam.

Ba u guftand:

– Hayriyat, az aql khudo ba tu tanho dandon bakhshid.

 

DEGI GAP

 

YAke meguft, ki:

– Dar zamoni rukud degi khurok mejushid.

Guftand:

– Aknun chi?

Guft:

– Degi gap.

 

METARSAM

 

Zan ba sari shavhar siteza mekunad:

– O, tu charo yagon bor ba magozavu bozor nameravi?!

SHavhar meguyad:

– Metarsam.

Zan mepursad, ki:

– Az chi?

SHavhar posukh medihad, ki:

– Az narkhho.

 

BA HOMUSHI RIOYA KUNED

 

SHakhse az majlis barmegasht.

Az u pursidand, ki:

– On jo chi guftand?

Guft:

– Rafiqon! Ba khomushi rioya kuned!

 

AZ TELEFON

 

Telefon zang zad. Mard gushakro bardosht:

– Alo! Gusham ba shumo! Az kujo gap mezaned?

Az on su guftand:

– Az telefon.

 

T A L A B

 

Az sardori kholabegame pursidand, ki:

– CHaro az tobeonaton kor talab namekuned?

U guft:

– O, kor talab kunam, onho ham talab mekunand-diya.

Guftand:

– CHiro?

Guft:

– Istefoyamro.

 

J  A  B  R

 

Ustode kori shogird ba nomi khud menavisht va muzd ba jaybi khesh mezad. SHogirdro toqat toq shudu guft:

– In chi jabr ast?

U guft:

– Jabri ustod beh zi mehri padar.

 

AZ KUJO YOBAM

 

Marde digarero did, ki ba johi gam aftida.

Guftash:

– CHaro jamgini?

U guft:

– Hazorsumaero mayda kardan mekhoham.

Guft:

– Hayr, mayda kun.

Guft:

– O, on hazorsumaro az kujo yobam?!

 

 

PASTAM KARD

 

– Avval dar shastam kard.

– Bad?

– Az busa mastam kard.

– Bad?

– Dar khezu jastam kard.

– Bad?

– CHun khoki siyoh pastam kard.

 

MUNOSIBAT

 

SHab zan az shuy ru gardond. SHavhar bo hayroni guft:

– Ha, boz chi balo zad?

Zan khele jiddi guft:

– Ba munosibati bozorgoni meguzarem.

 

CHUNKI VAZIRRO AZ KOR GIRIFTAND

 

Du dust dar kucha ru ba ru omadand. YAke az digare pursid:

– SHunidam, ki az zavjaat judo shudi. Oyo in rost ast?

Digari guft:

– Rost, judo shudam.

Guft:

– Baroi chi? Okhir, yak sol pesh bazur sukhtayu pukhta khonador shuda budi-ku?

Guft:

– Rost, lekin vazirro az kor giriftand.

Guft:

– Vazir ba in chi dakhl dorad?

Guft:

– Okhir, vazir padari zavjaam bud-da!

 

DUDI GAM

 

– Bui dud meoyad.

– Az kujo?

– Az SHuroi Oli.

– Guftanied, ki dar gami khalq mesuzand?

– Ne, dar gami khud sigaret dud mekunand.

 

DU PONZDAH

 

– Hamin buhron chi boshad?

– Krizis!

– Krizisash chi?

– Buhron!

– Ha, du ponzdah, yak si gued?

 

ISHTIHO VA SIYOSAT

 

– Zanak! Ho, zanak!

– Ha, chi megi?

– O, khuroka biyor.

– Toqat kun, tamom shavad.

– CHi?

– Sessiyai SHuroi Oli.

– CHi-i?! Badi yak moh khurok ovardanii?!

 

 

JIVACHKADEPUTAT

 

– Deputati moro Kalushdeputat meguyand. Az shumoro chi?

– Jivachkadeputat!

– CHi, ba shumo jivachka taqsim karda doda bud?

– Ne, az khoidanasha dahonamon dard kardu az u na sadostu na naf.

 

NOM MEPURSAM

 

– SHumo chi nom dored?

– Qimati!

– SHumo chi?

– Qahti!

– SHumo?

– Rahmati!

– O, man be shumo ham medonam, ki holo qimati, qahti ast, ha nagufta bisyoriho rahmati meshavand. Okhir, man nom mepursam…

 

QALANFUR

 

Az Afandi pursidand:

– Farqi bayni majlishoi zamoni karakhti az zamoni bozsozi dar chist?

Afandi posukh dod:

– Zamoni karakhti shakar meposhidand, holo boshad, qalanfur.

 

T U H F A

 

SHavhari zolim az zavjaash pursid:

– CHi tuhfa biyoram, ki baroyat nodir boshad:

Zani jon ba lab omada, guft:

– Hati taloq!

 

D  U  Z  D

 

Du nafare dar kucha bari ba bar gom mezadand. YAke ba digare biguft:

– Ho-o, javone rafta istodaast-ku, duzdi guzarost!

Digari guft:

– Az kujo donisti?

YAkumi guft:

– Duzd duzdro az dur ham meshinosad.

 

KORKUNI SAVDO SHAV

 

YAkero jon ba lab omadu nazdi oqile rafta guft:

– CHi kor kunam, ki ba hej kasu hej chiz muhtoj nashavam?

Oqil guftash:

– Rais shav.

Guft:

– In az imkon berun ast.

Guftash:

– Pas vazir bishav.

Guft:

– In barobari az osmon sitora kandan ast.

Guftash:

– Kormandi savdo shav!

 

ZAMONA DIGAR SHUD

 

YAke ba digare meguft, ki:

– Zamona digar shudu mo ham.

Guft:

– CHi khel?

Guft:

– Zamoni rukud chun du kas ru ba ru meomad, ahvoli salomati mepursid.

Guft:

– Aknun chi?

Guft:

– Aknun menoland.

Guft:

– Az chi?

Guft:

– Az narkhu navo!

 

BEHIT SHAV MEGA

 

Haridore az sabzifurush pursid:

– Bekhiaton chand shud?

Furushanda gardan yozonda, az hampahluyash pursid, ki:

– CHi mega?

Hampahluyash posukh dod:

– Az aftash rekityor ast, ki “bekhit shav” mega.

 

MEHRUBONI

 

Marde ba khona vorid shudan zamon ba zavjaash ruy ovard:

– Azizam, satili partovro deh, partofta biyoyam.

Zan qavoq andokhta, bo gazab guft:

– Boz maoshatro ba sari sharob zadi?!

 

AZ KI METALABEM

 

YAke mardi dunyodida az sina ohi sard barovarda, ba dustash arz kard:

– Agar guzashtan ba bozori iqtisodi hamin boshad, to ba bozor merasem, ki hama gado meshavem.

Dustash ba u dida dukhta, guft:

– CHi, chi? Gado meshavem?

Mard biguft:

– Bale! Gado, yane talbanda.

Guft:

– On vaqt az ki metalabem?!

 

Q I YO M A T

 

Muallim az talabae, ki “qiyomat, qiyomat” meguft, pursid:

– Oyo tu medoni, ki kay qiyomat meshavad?

Talaba posukh dod, ki:

– Bale! Har gohe, ki padari man araq nushida, ba khona meoyad.

 

FILMI MAZHAKAVI

 

Pisar az dar sar khalonda, guft:

– Dado, dado! Tez biyoed!

Padar pursid, ki:

– Ha, yagon voqea rukh dod?

Pisar guft:

– Ne, filmi mustanadi mazhakavi sar meshavad.

Padar pursid, ki:

– Nomash chist?

Pisar dar javob guft:

– Sessiyai SHuroi Oli.

 

N A M O I SH

 

Ruznomanigor shakhsero ba suhbat kashida guft:

– SHumo simoi tojikro tamosho mekuned?

On shakhs guft:

– Ahyon-ahyon.

Guft:

– Kadom namoishash ba shumo maqul?

Guft:

– Namoishi sessiyahoi SHuroi Oli.

Guft:

– CHaro?

Guft:

– Mekhandi.

 

 

QAHRAMON MESHAVEM

 

Deputate ruznomaro bo qahr pora-pora karda partoft. Digare taajjub karda, sabab pursid. YAkumi ba haft pushti ruznoma lanat khonda, guft:

– Boz dar borai mo maqola kardaand.

Digari bo khursandi guft:

– O, baraks shod shudan lozim.

YAkumi guft:

– Safsata nakhon! CHaro shod meshudaam?!

Digari guft:

– O, kor hamin khel raftan girad, qahramon meshavem.

YAkumi guft:

– Qahramon? CHi khel qahramon?

Digari guft:

– O, joi Mushfiqi va Afandiro sohib meshavem.

 

DILI BADRO NE

 

Tabib pas az muoinai durudaroz ba mizoj guft:

– Dardaton bad, bedavo.

Mizoj shurida, guft:

– O, hatto: “Dardi badro davoi bad!” meguyand-ku?!

Tabib guft:

– Bale, vale na dili badro!

 

SHAVQI RAQQOSA

 

Dar tuy yake ba gushi digare pichirros zad:

– Musiqi murdaro ba raqs meorad, meguyand, ki rost budaast. Bin, shavqi raqqosa chi tavr ba jush omad.

Digari guft:

– Kutohbin budai! SHavqi raqqosaro musiqi ne, pulchasponi ba jush ovard.

 

SAMTI HARAKAT

 

Zan ba shavharash piskhandomez guft:

– Kulohro baraks pushided-ku.

SHavharash badqahr shuda, guft:

– Durug megui. Okhir, tu namedoni, ki man ba kadom taraf meravam.

 

TAQSIMI KOR

 

Zan ba shavhar meguyad:

– Huquqi zanu mard barobar-a?

SHavhar meguyad, ki:

– Bale!

Zan meguyad:

– Aknun hamai korhoi khonaro ba navbat mekunem.

SHavhar meguyad, ki:

– Man rozi. Tu khurok pukhti, man khurdam, shustani kosavu tabaq navbati tu.

 

SH I T O B

 

YAke dar roh boshitob meraft.

Uro guftand:

– Ba khayr? Kujo meshitobi?

On mard guft:

– Ba magazin. Sobun omadaast.

Ba u guftand:

– Der kardi. Magazinchi sobunro obu loy kard.

 

NARHI OZOD

 

Javone shodon meguft:

– CHi khushbakhti, narkhhoro ozod kardand.

Digare bo qahr guft:

– Haftafahm, shodi ne, girya kun.

Guft:

– CHaro?

Guft:

– Narkhhoro ne, ajdahoi haftsarro ozod kardand. Aknun na tanho pulamonro, khudamonro ham mekhurad.

 

ARZONU FAROVON

 

Mehmone az miri shahr pursid:

– Dar shahri shumo chi arzonu farovon?

Afandi ki on jo hozir bud, guft:

– Vadavu fandu fireb.

 

HONASUZ

 

YAke bo alam nido namud:

– Honasuz!

Digare bo hayroni pursid:

– Ki?

Avvali guft:

– Kooperativho!

 

FOLBIN

 

Javone ba javoni digare guft, ki:

– Bo avtobusi raqami 18 omadi.

U guft:

– Az kujo fahmidi?

Guft:

– O, yagon tugma nadori-ku.

 

HANDA

 

Pisarakero pursidand:

– Oyo modarat yagon bor mekhandad?

Guft:

– Mohe yak bor – ruze, ki padaram maoshashro meorad.

 

BACHAI KI

 

Mehmon az pisarbacha pursid:

– Bachai ki meshavi?

Guft:

– Bachai shui ocham.

 

QARIB AZ KAT AFTAM

 

Du hamkor roje ba shavharhoi khud suhbat mekardand. YAke guft:

– Dugona, hamin shavharat ajab javoni shukh-diya. Diruz bo u dar avtobus vokhurdam. YAk latifahoe naql kard, ki qarib az boloi kat aftam.

 

DARDI BEDAVO

 

– Dardat bedavo.

– CHi-i? In chi khel dard?

– Hasud.

– Aknun chi meshavad?

– Turo mekhurad.

 

HAYRIYAT

 

– Dustam, mehmoni nav muborak. Hurus-a?

– Ha, khurus!

– Ba tu monand-mi?

– Ne, ba zanam.

– Uf-f… Hayriyat-e.

– CHaro “khayriyat”?

– O, gumon doshtam, ki ba man monand meshavad.

 

SINONIM

 

– Sinonimi kalimahoi choy, qand, shakar, ord, sobun, kalush va satinro guy?

– Tukhmi anqo!

 

OFTOB MEBAROYAD

 

– Aknun faryodi khurus! – guft taqlidgar.

– Lozim ne, nakuned! – faryod kard bachae az tolor.

– Baroi chi?

– CHun khurus faryod kuned, oftob davida mebaroyad.

 

APAI ZUR

 

– Apai man zur! Bo yak korash boboma bobokalon, momoma momokalon, otama bobo, ochama momo, khoharama khola, mana tago kard.

– O, chi kor kard apaat?

– Bacha tavallud kard.

 

TAPPAK

 

– Gov chi medihad?

– SHir.

– Boz chi?

– Gusola.

– Boz chi?

– Tappak.

 

DILVASE

 

– Dugonajon, dilaton judo ham vase budaast-diya.

– CHi khel vase?

– O, ba on ishqi bist mard joy girift-a!

 

PESHGIRI

 

– Libosatonro kashed, – guft dukhtur ba bemori navbati, dukhtari khele zebo.

– CHaro-o-o?… Okhir, gusham dard mekunad.

– “CHu uzve ba dard ovarad ruzgor, digar uzvhoro namonad qaror” – guftaand. Vazifai dukhtur pesh az hama peshgirii kasali. Az in ru, boyad avval sihatii digar uzvhoyatonro tamin namoyam.

 

HAYVON

 

– In hayvona hamin qadar ki zadam, odam nashud, – pisarashro nishon doda, ba shinosash hasrat kard mard. – Az aftash hej goh odam nameshavad.

– Rost. Dar kujo didi, ki hayvon hayvona zada odam karda boshad.

 

LAYLI VA MAJNUN

 

– Nomaton chi?

– Layli!

– Oh, chi khushbakhti! Nomi man Majnun!

– Hushbakhti ne, badbakhti!

– CHaro?

– Kay Majnun ba visoli Lahli rasid?!

 

NAV PANJOHTA GUZASHT

 

– Ba Guliston kadom avtobus meravad? – pursid muysafed az javone.

– SHastu haftum, – javob dod javon.

Badi chande javon did, ki muysafed holo ham dar istgoh nishastaat. U hayron shuda, pursid:

– Holo ham narafted, bobo?

Muysafed guft:

– O, nav panjohta avtobus guzasht, bachem.

 

GUNOH VA JAZO

 

– Gunoh chist?

– CHirk.

– Naboshad, bo sobun shusta meshudaast-da?

– Ne, nameshavad.

– Pas bo chi?

– Jazo!

 

SPORTSMEN

 

Marde javonero ba mehmononi khoriji muarrifi karda, guft:

– In kas sportsmen.

– O-o, sportsmen! Az kadom namud?

– Davidan.

– O-o, medavad?

– Ha, az qafoi dukhtarho.

 

ON CHI DOD

 

Tanbale du dast sui osmon bardoshta, iltijo mekard:

– Hudo, jonum, ki dodi, nonum bideh!

Afandi, ki on jo hozir bud, guft:

– Hudo namedihad, megirad.

– CHiro megirad?

– On chi ki dod.

 

NIGOH

 

Marde javonero kasholakunon ba nazdi milisa ovard va guft:

– Moli maro duzdid.

– Az kujo dinisted, ki molatonro duzdid?

– Az on ki ba man bo tarsu larz nigoh kard.

 

ZARAR NADORAD

 

– E, hamaash gap, sigaretkashi ba salomati zarar nadorad.

– Rost, na hamesha zarar dorad.

– CHi khel?

– Tanho vaqti zinda budanat.

 

OVOZASH GIRIFT

 

Du nafar dar labi kuli kalone menishastand. Nogahon az kul ovozi imdodtalabonae baland shud.

– YOri dihed! Garq meshavam!

– Raftem, yori dihem.

– Ne, dod mezanad, yane garq nashudaast.

– Ana digar dod namezanad, garq shud.

– Ne, ovozash girift.

 

ODAM NAMESHAM

 

– Odam meshay – nameshay?!

– Namesham!

– Har meshi?

– Hov!

 

IRODA

 

Haridore ba kharidor meguyad:

– Irodai in furushanda mustahkam budaast.

– Az kujo fahmidi?

– Narkhi mahsulotashro hej past namekunad.

 

HATARNOK

 

Javonmarde az dustash pursid:

– CHaro ba yagon mansabi baland sohib nameshavi?

Dustash guft, ki:

– Mansabi baland khatarnok ast.

Javonmard guft:

– CHiyash khatarnok?

Guft:

– Aftidanash.

 

OVOZI HAR

 

Du javoni beadabu badlafz ba asabhoi piramarde nokhun mezadand. Piramard angushti tahayyur ba dandoni tafakkur girifta, lab namekushod. YAke az beadabon guft:

– Behosil faryod dar gushhoi khar!

Piramardro sabr sar raftu guft:

– Na, noforam ast bar gusham ovozi khar!

 

NAMEZOYAD, PAS NAR AST

 

Afandiro pursidand:

– Harat nar ast yo moda?

Guft:

– Namezoyad, pas nar ast.

 

MARD AZ MAYHONA MEOYAD

 

Marde ki bo du borkhaltai pur az bozor meomad, shinosashro shirakayf dida, guft:

– Nomard, boz az maykhona meoi?

Guft:

– Mard az maykhona meoyad, nomard az bozor.

 

TAZIYA

 

Buzurgmehrro pursidand, ki:

– Behtarin tarifnoma kadom ast?

Guft:

– Taziya.

 

RISH MONDI-KU

 

Tani garm be dard ne, guftagi barin, dar rui Asad chize baromad. Tabib guft, ki rishashro zinhor nataroshad. Va u mohe chand rish nataroshid. Va az Dushanbe ba nazdi volidonash raft. Meysafedi padar uro didan zamon guft:

– Vah, tu chi kor kardi?

– CHi kor kardam?

– Rastokhez shudi, bachagar!

– Ki guft in gapi duruga?

– O, rish mondi-ku?!

 

MILLIONER SHUD

 

SHinose ba shinosash guft:

– Qoriishkamzoda raisi kolkhoz shudu…

U guft:

– Kolkhoz millioner shud?!

Guft:

– Kolkhoz ne, rais millioner shud.

 

YORIPULI

 

Dar yak korkhona kormande sokhti moro nah zada, sokhti kapitalistiro tarifu tavsif mekard, ki ba bekoron yoripuli medihand. Aksariyat ba aqidai u rozi nashudand. Guftand, ki ana hamai mo sol az duvazdah moh kore namekunemu maoshu mukofot megirem. O, in az on yordampuli chi farq dorad?

 

KULUH BUD, KI VAZIR SHUD

 

YAke bo ohi sard guft:

– Hamine, ki vazirash tain kardand, hamkursam bud.

Guftand:

– Rost? Naboshad, khubash medoni?

Guft:

– Ha, az kulukh sado budu az u ne.

Guftand:

– Pas chi khel vazir shud?

Guft:

– Heh sodda-e. O, az u sado mebaromad vazir ne, tu barin injeneri oddi meshud.

 

ZAN GIRIFT

 

YAke az dustash pursid:

– CHaro sari Ahmad dokapech?

Dustash guft:

– CHi, khabar nadori?

Vay guft:

– Ne.

Dustash guft:

– O, u zan girift.

 

MURG NADORAM

 

SHakhse bo karu far meguft, ki:

– Ba khurusi hamsoya khushomad nazanam!

Guftand:

– CHaro?

Guft:

– CHunki murg nadoram.

 

AZ RUI NAVBATHO

 

Mehmone ba mizbon zimni suhbat guft:

– Halqi shumo khele jasuru daler budaast.

Mizbon bo hayroni guft:

– Az chi shumo ba chunin khulosa omaded?

Mehmon guft:

– Az rui navbatho va avtobusu trolleybusho.

 

HARIDU FURUSH

 

YAke az digare pursid:

– «Odamoni khudi» kihoyand?

U guft:

– Onhoe, ki kharida shudaand.

Guft:

– Hm-m… az in mebaroyad, ki onhoro furukhtan mumkin?

 

DAR OMADI GAP

 

– Mekhohi prezident shavi?

– Ne, namekhoham!

– CHaro?

– CHunki mekhoham dar gur orom bikhobam.

 

JAVOBI VAZIR

 

Az vaziri khojagii qishloq pursidand:

– Dar nazdi khojagii qishloq kadom moneaho istodaast?

Vazir guft:

– Onho bisyorand.

Boz mepursand:

– Asosiashonro nombar mekarded?

Vazir guft:

– Asosiashon chor ast: bahor, tobiston, tiramoh va zimiston.

 

BA JUZ AQLI RASO

 

Marde bo karu far dar sitoishi khud meguft:

– Az hej chizi dunyo kami nadoram.

YAke az hozirbudagon guft:

– Bale, bale, ba juz aqli raso!

 

AHMAQ NASHUDAAM

 

Marde hamkorashro kohish namud:

– O, charo yagon bor lab ba sukhani tanqid namekushoi?

Guft:

– Akhmaq nashudaam, ki pul doda, dushman bikharam.

 

SAVGO

 

Afandi ba furudgohi havoii Domodedovoi Maskav rasida, yak nafasi chuqur mekashadu faryod mekunad:

– Nasilshik!

Du hammol bo arobachahoyashon hozir shuda, barobar mepursand:

– Hizmat?

Afandi meguyad:

– Privet iz solnechnogo Tadjikistana!

– Tfu!..

 

 

LENINI BE VORIS

 

Afandi bori duvum ba mavzoley daromada, Stalinro barii Lenin nadid.

– U kujo shud? – pursid az yake.

– Gurondand!

– Inash chi, besohib ast, ki kase nameguronadash?!

 

NIMASHA DEH

 

– Ruznoma chand diram?

– SHast diram.

– Mana si diram nimasha dihed.

– Kadom nimasha?

– Nimi programadorasha.

 

Z A N

 

– Zan!

– Tu zan!

– Ne, tu zan!

– Ana! – guft va ba bekhi gardanash yakto mushti obdor farovard.

– CHaro zadi?

– O, khudat gufti, zan-ku…

 

GURUCNANISHINI

 

– Du hafta natofti?

– Dar maydoni Ozodi budam.

– Dar on jo chi kor kardi?

– Gurusnanishini.

– O, farbehtaru tozatar shudai-ku?

– O, se vaqt khurokro az mahsuloti svejiy tayyor mekardand.

 

DU KADR

 

– Harchi biguem, bikunem! – guft kadri davri bozsozi.

– Harchi bifarmoyand, on kunem! – guft kadri davri karakhti.

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