ABDUHALIM

Zarba misli dafai guzashta, ba joi digari khonadon zada shud. Mohi avgusti soli 1999 khoharam Ibodat pisarash Alojonro khonador mekard va moro ba jashni arusi ba Panjrud davat kard. Mo bo istifoda az fursat, hamai duston va kormandoni shirkatro ba in jashn davat kardem. Man bo chande az duston du ruz pesh ba Panjrud raftem. Man onhoro baroi tamosho ba Kuli Kalon burdam.

Vaqte mo az Kuli Kalon ba niyati jashni arusi ba khonai khoharam bargashtem, khabari shume rasid, ki Abduhalimro dar roh zadaand va uro ba bemoristoni shahri Panjekat burdaand. Vaqte man ba bemoriston rasidam, Abduhalim dar holi behushi dar dami marg qaror dosht. Az gufti pizishkon, sarash sakht zarb khurda bud. Pizishkon uro ba tavri favri ba jarrohi giriftand va nimi shab ba mo elon kardand, ki kushishashon benatija anjomidaast va u favtid. Mo ruzi digar uro dar oromgohi dehai Margedar ba khok supurdem. In zarbai mudhish bud! In zarbai nojavonmardona tamomi sho- divu sururro baroi solhoi ziyod az khonadoni mo rabud. Hudoyo, holo ham bo guzashti in hama sol chi qadr sakht ast yod ovardani on voqeai mudhish va navishtani in satrho!

Man dar borai juziyoti in hodisa namenavisam, faqat hamin qadar meguyam, ki yak silohbadasti lain, ki nomash gum bod (!) faqat ba khotiri pesh guzashtan az moshinash, uro latukub karda, ba hamin hol rasondaast. Badan qotil ba jazoyash rasid, vale in otashi alami moro past nakard. Juziyoti hodisaro az on sabab namenavisam, ki khondani on baroi azoi khonadoni mo khele dardnok khohad bud, dar hole, ki in kitob saravval baroi onho navishta shudaast. Va agar navisam, didani in kitob baroi khudam ham dushvor khohad bud.

Abduhalim shakhsi oromu botamkin va ba manoi tomash halim bud. U hamchun barodari kaloni dar khurdiyam munisu gamkhor va dar javoni hamdamu hamrozi man budaast, mo on qadr ba ham nazdik budem, ki hatto pas az taqriban bist sol, kase natavonist dar dili man joyguzini u shavad. SHoyad sabab on boshad, ki man natavonistam uro raho kunam. Solhoi avval ba joi dil, sangi sarde dar sina doshtam va dunyo baroyam ori az rangu tarovat shuda bud. Holo ham, vaqte yodash mekunam, hamon holat dast medihad. Solho oromiyamro gum karda budam, goh dar yas budam, goh dar khashm. Darkoru nodarkor davovu kharkhasha mekardam.

Ba holi khudam nigoh nakarda, az holi padaru modaram ni- garon budam. Bo guzashti solho fikr mekardam, ki onho taskin yoftaand, vale hayhot!

Sole pesh az margi padaram, ustod Sorbon ba khonai padar mehmon shudand. Sari dastarkhon suhbati hardui onho «qur gi- rift». Manu Komron ham huzur doshtem. Ustod Sorbon misli har navisandae, bo kunjkobi savol doda, khotiroti padaramro berun mekashidand. Padaram dar borai joyhoi korkardaashon va joizahoi giriftaashonu mojarohoi az sar guzarondaashon naql mekardand, ki aksarash baroi man ham nav bud. Vaqte dar borai javoniyashon va nav ba kor qabul shudanashon, ki har ruz hasht-dah kilometr piyoda ba kor rafta meomadaand va az khastagi dar roh rost istoda, khobashon burda mondaast, naql kardand, ustod Sorbon ba vajd omada, yakbora, «man dar borai SHumo kitob menavisam», gufta vada dodand. Dar okhiri suhbat padaram bo yak ohi sard guftand:

– Halol khurdam, halol gashtam, namedonam, charo khudovand in musibatro nasibi man gardond?!

Padaram taskin nayofta budand, holo ham dar sugi Abdul- halim budand va dar amoli khudashon gunoh mekoftand…

Ustod Sorbon bo padaram qaror kardand, ki chand bor vo- khurda, khotirahoi padarro navishta megirand va az on kitob mesozand. Mutaassifona, bo sababi durii roh va bemorii pada- ram, Ustod natavonistand khotirahoro az khudi padaram navishta girand. Bad az margi padaram, Ustod on vadaro qarzi khud donista, az movu amakhoyam va holdonho mavod jam karda, dar borai oilai mo kitobe bo nomi «Kadevar» navishtand.

Mutaassifona, jangi shahrvandi va avorizu omilhoi on hech kasero kanor naguzosht. Odamoni begunoh ziyod kushta shudand. Ba azoi khonadoni mo, ki dar in jang az hech sue ishtirok na- karda bud, zarbahoi payopay va muhlik vorid shud. SHumori oilahoi dar in jang qurbonidoda hisob nadorad. Umedvoram, ki chunin badbakhti digar hech goh nasibi mardumi kishvari azizi man nashavad!

Vale fojeahoi mudhishi ba sari khonadoni man omada yak haqiqatro ba man oshkor kard, ki dar jomeai gushna ser budan «jurm» ast. Dar in muhit ba muqobili bukhlu hirsu hasad hech chorae muassir nest. Muvaffaqiyathoi man ba sari khonadoni man balo ovard. Man dark kardam, ki agar chorai muassirtare nabinam, in hamlaho hatman idoma khohand kard. Az in sabab, tamomi nazdikonro ba deha firistodam. Sinni farzandoni man ba maktab rasida bud. Dukhtaram Manija du sol va pisaram Faridun yak sol dar hamon maktabe, ki man khonda budam, tahsil kardand. Maktabi deha shadidan tanazzul karda bud va dar on jo nigoh doshtani kudakon jabr bar oyandaashon bud. Dar deha baroi barodaronam niz sharoiti kori muhayyo nabud va man tasmim giriftam dar avvalin fursat oilavu farzandon va barodaronamro ba khoriji kishvar, ba Rusiya bifiristam. Vaqt nishon dod, ki in tasmim durust budaast, zero garavgongiron dar taftishot bayon kardand, ki dar davomi yak sol say karda- and, to yagon nazdiki digari maro garavgon bigirand.

Jangi shahrvandi darvoqe fojiai buzurgi umumimilli bud, ki dilhoi zakhmin boqi guzosht. Gayr az joni hazoron odami begunohro rabudan, khisoroti manavii ziyod va ziyoni molii chandmilliardi rasondan, ravandhoero misli mahalgaroi va fasod taqviyat dod va bunyodi kard.

Nihoyat, dar avvali solhoi duhazorum kishvar ba oromii voqei rasid va mardum nafasi sabuk kashidand. Amniyat bar- qaror shud, solhoi sozandagi faro rasidand va ba tadrij obo- donii kishvar shuru shud va in ba man imkon dod, ki sahmi khurdi khudro dar rushdi kishvar guzoram, ki hikoyai on dar qismi badi khohad omad.