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Sagi nafs

On ruz ruze bud khele garmu dam.

YAke az bozorhoi poytakht chun khonai murchagon mejushid.

Gavgoyu gulgula…

SHuru magal…

Kudake: “Ocha-e!” – guyon, megirist…

Zani farbehe qir-qir mekhandid….

Zani kharobi sip-siyoh kim-kiro duoi bad mekard…

Kampire: “Allohu akbar!” – guyon, sadaqa metalabid…

Mardi dagale dashnomhoi bolokhonador medod…

Digare bo tamomi ovoz dod mezad: “Spiralda biyo, bacha! Rossiyskiy! Garantiyash qath! Spiral ne, joni shirin!”

Ba galogulayu magali yakrangi bozor boz sadoi magnitafoni fitafurush omekhta megardid.

Ba nazdi fitafurush javoni julidamui jandapushe omad. Ustukhonhoi rui logarash damida baromada, chashmoni fururaftai tezash sharora meposhidand. Saru ruyash araqshor bud.

– Bachai ocha, chi kheli? Buqaho gamat namedihand? Ne? Gam dihand, gap zan, onai zorashona nishon mediham. Fahmidi? Ku, yak shukhasha mon.

Fitafurush bo tabassumi maleh fitaro ivaz kard. Surud ba javon pisand nashud.

– Ne, nashud, – abru bar ham kashid u. – Ana, in khel boshad: laka-laka-tum-tam! Laka-laka-tum-tam!

– Fahmidam, fahmidam! – khursandona nido namud fitafurush va digar fitaro mond.

Inash ba javon maqul shud. Va u:

– Ehe-ihy! – guyon ba maydon baromad. – Bazm kun!

Du dastashro baland bardoshtu lahzae tavaqquf kard. Bad :

– Ha… ha… ha!.. – khandid.

Soni misli parranda bol afshonda, shuru kard ba raqsidan.

– Biraqs jura, biraqs!

Dar yak on bekorkhujahoi bisyore “khudo dod!” – guyon, girdi u jam omadand.

– Mast shav, bacha!

Javon az in “ilhom” girifta, surati raqsashro tez kard. Aknun u bojavlonu bekhudona mecharkhid. Izdihom ba zavq omad. Nafaroni vayro “sherak” karda kafkubon ba tavri khud lazzat meburdand. Iddae az javonon qiyu chuv hushtakkashi mekardand.

“Bazm” toraft metafsid.

YAke kaf mezad va hamvora takror mekard:

– Ba jonam zani, biraqs!

– Sagirai balo, – guft mardi zardinae. – Hudasha ba devonagi zaday.

Ohangi gapi u ba amaki Amir, mardi miyonsoli mui sarash barmahal safeshuda, ki dar bari u meistod, naforid. Ammo vay nakhost, ki asaboniyat va gazabi khudro nishon dihad, yak ohi sarde kashida, guft:

– Baloi chi, bechora ast, bechora.

Mardi zardina kunjkovona ba u dida dukht. Bad pursid:

– SHumo uro meshinosed?

– Ha, – guft u, ki chehraashro gamu anduh faro girifta bud va lahzae ba khayol raft. Nafase pas ilova namud:

– Vay devona ast.

Mardi zardina hayron-hayron ba sui javon nigarist.

– Afsus, – guft u, – afsus.

Amaki Amir harfe nazad. Vay boz ilova kard:

– CHi chora, az taqdir joi gurez nest.

Rui amaki Amir purchin gasht, nigohash khira gardid. Va bo ovozi mahzun guft:

– Ne, aybi sagi nafs.

In gap hissi kunjkovii mardi zardinaro bedor kard. Vale amaki Amir ohi sarde kashida, chize naguft. Bad boz ba gap daromad:

– Agar boboyash sagi nafsro mekusht, in bechora devona ba dunyo nameomad. Vaqte ki kas molu sarvatro az hama chiz aziz medonad, ana hamin khel fojia rukh medihad.

Javonmarde, ki dar pahlui vay bud, ba gap hamroh shud.

– Durust gufted, amak, – guft u. – Nafsi bad chashmi khiradro kur mekunad. Okhir, behuda: “Nafsi bad – baloi jon!” naguftaand.

– Hush, in chi khel shud? – maroq zohir kard mardi zardina.

– CHi khel shud? – gashta pursid amaki Amir va pas az kame sukut lab ba sukhan kushod: – Modari hamin javon Mahjabin tolibai man bud.

 

2

 

Mahjabin dukhtari zebo, dilkushodu neksirisht, alo mekhond. Orzu dosht, ki muallima shavad. Sinfi hashtro alo tamom kard. Soli navi tahsil ogoz yoft. Ammo amaki Amir uro pasi parta nadid. Havotir shuda, ba khonaashon raft. Padari Mahjabin uro bo yak olam sururu khushbakhti istiqbol namud. Bad:

– Bakhti shogirdat khandid! – guyon mujda rasond.

Amaki Amir hayron shud va besabrona pursid:

– CHi khel?

– Uro ba pisari akoyam fotiha kardem, – mamnunona guft Doro. – Pas az yak hafta tuy. Nasib boshad, tuy mekhured!

Az shunidani in khabar amaki Amir khele gamgin shud. Bo khavosi pareshon ba u nigarista, guft:

– Okhir, holo u yosh, mon, ki khonad…

– E, dukhtara chivu khondanash chi! – sukhani uro burid Doro.

– SHuy gurekhta nameravad…

– E, ne, bad der meshavad, – etiroz kard Doro. – In khel domodi sarvatmand yak bor nasibi kas meshavad.

– Ha-a, Doro orzui doroi dorad guy?!

– Piching nakun… Fahmidi – pichin nakun, – dagalona guft Doro.

Amaki Amir oh kashid, lahzae khomush mond va bad ba Doro rivoyatero naql kard:

«SHaykhe dar minbar vaz meguft. Dar hamin asno shakhse paydo shud, ki saru po siyahpush bud. Sagero ba kitfi khud bardoshta megasht. SHaykh minbari majlisro tark namudu ba nazdi shakhsi siyahpush omad va uro khele mehruboni namud. Uro ba minbar khonda, nazdash taom guzosht. SHakhsi siyahpush khudash taomro nakhurda, ba sag dod. Hamin ki ozimi raftan shud, shaykh to baromadgoh bo tazim guselash namud. Vaqte ki ba minbar bargasht, shogirdonash bo hayrat pursidand:

– Ey shaykh. In chi kore bud, ki shumo ba in sagparast zohir namuded?

SHaykh guft:

– Uro meshinosed?

Guftand:

– Na.

SHaykh guft:

– In mard Mansuri Halloj ast. Sage, ki dunbolash megardad, nafsi ust. Voy bar holi mo, ki dunboli nafs megardem».

Doro qoh-qoh khandid. Guyo rivoyat neyu latifa shunida boshad.

– Medoni Doro, nikohi kheshutabori mumkin nest…

– Tago mumkin ne, – boz sukhani uro burid Doro. – In amakash-ku.

– Amak ham kheshi nazdik, hamkhun, baroi salomatii farzandonashon benihoyat khavfnok.

– Biyo, mon, durug ham ba ebash, – ruy tursh karda, guft Doro. – In gapi tu na dar deg meistad, na dar kafles. Hamaash safsata!

– YO tavba! – girebon girift amaki Amir. – SHumo to chi andoza nobovared. Okhir, inro ilmi tib isbot kardaast.

– Nomaqul kardaast ilmi tibat!

CHand lahza khomush mondand.

Amaki Amir yak surfida, aknun lab ba nasihat kushodani bud, ki Doro dagalona sukhanashro burid:

– Man ba nasihati tu muhtoj nestam!

– Doro…

– CHi, Doro? CHi-i?!

– Okhir…

– CHi, okhir?! CHi okhir?”

– … «jomai bomaslihat kutoh nameoyad” guftaand.

Doro hezumi khushk barin yakbora otash girift.

– E, tu barin nasihatgarho ziyod shudandu dunyo vayron shud!

Qismati Mahjabin amaki Amirro orom nameguzosht. Tamomi ruz fikr kard. Sarash dard mekardu fikrash ba joe namerasid. SHab ham khobash naburd. Dar qaydi iztirob, dilash qaror nadosht. Norohatona az in kitf ba on kitf megasht. Dami subh ganabash burd. Va khob did: Mahjabin labi jarie meistod va az muallim yori metalabid.

Ruzi digar u boz ba khonai Doro raft. Doro uro didu qavoq andokht va dagalona pursid:

– Boz omadi-a? Boz omadi!

Az chashmoni u otash meborid, berahm menamud.

– To Mahjabinro ba maktab nabaram, namemonam, – oromona guft amaki Amir.

– Nametavoni! – guft Doro. – Lekin az yak tika osh mahrum meshavi.

– Hoy, Doro! – gazabashro bo azob furu burd amaki Amir. – Aqlatro ba joyash guzor. O, tu mefahmi, ki chi kor karda istodai?! Dukhtaratro badbakht megardoni.

– Hoy, guftam-ku! – khitob kard Doro va yakbora shurid. – CHi kore, ki khoham, ba subut merasonam. Tu bar har osh qatiq nashav!

– Hamtu?

– Ha, hamtu!

– Gush dor, – ba khud qiyofai jiddi girifta, guft amaki Amir. – Man in korro hamin tavr namemonam!

– CHi kor mekuni?! – istehzo zad Doro. – Az dasti tu muallim chi ham meoyad?!

Amaki Amir, ki asabi shuda bud, beikhtiyor bo ovozi az meyor balandtar ovard sukhanashro:

– Hudi hozir ba sud arz mekunam!

Doro bo yak tamaskhuri qahrolud qoh-qoh khandid. Bad ba amaki Amir nigarista:

– Der kardi, – guft, – khele der. Man khudam ba sud murojiat namudam.

Va u az kisaash qogazero barovarda:

– Ana qarorash, – guyon, ba amaki Amir dod..

Ba chunin rang giriftani kor amaki Amir sakht mutaassir gashta, lahzae sarhisobashro nayoft. Bad khudro ba dast girifta, khost lab ba sukhan kushoyad, ammo Doro sarosema sukhanashro burid.

– SHud, shud! Hamaash fahmo! Hush omadi!

– Man meravam, – guft amaki Amir ba u. – Lekin donista mon, ki bakhti dukhtaratro mesuzi.

– Bas! Rav! Digar qadamatro ba dargohi man namon!

Doro ba jigarbandi khud rahm nakard. Molu sarvat hushu aqlashro rabuda bud. Va Mahjabin qurboni sagi nafs gardid.

Pas az nuh moh Mahjabin dukhtar tavallud kard. Va boz pas az nuh moh ana hamin pisar ba dunyo omad. Bad malum gasht, ki dukhtarash ham shalu ham gung, pisarash boshad – devona. Hama uro tasallo medodand, ki farzandonash sihat meshavand, jahli qismat meguzarad. Ruzho, mohho, solho guzashtand. Na tabib mondu na mullo, na sehrgaru na folbin. Onho shifo nayoftand. SHavharash uro “se taloq” doda, az khona rond. Amakash uro ba khonaashon ovard:

– Gir dukhtari kasalata!

In sukhan ba misli teg jigari dodarashro pora kard.

– SHumo uro kasal karded!

– Ne, u kasal, devonazoy!

Joi hayrat nest, ki “begona ba begona nadorad kore”, “khesh ast, ki dar pai shikasti khesh ast!”

Akavu dodar guyo, ki qotili joni yakdigar boshand, dast ba girebon shudand. YAkdigarro zadandu kuftand. Qiyomate barpo kardand. Hamsoyaho bazur onhoro az ham judo namudand. Pas az in dushmani yakdigar gashtand. Soyai yakdigarro az devor metaroshidand.

Mahjabin boshad, bo du farzandi majruhash tanho mond. Va zor-zor megirist modari sinaafgor.

Pudinai labi ob karday resha,

Lanat ba kase, ki yor gira khesha,

Begona khubay, ki mekunad andesha,

Gap mezana khesh hamchu tegu tesha.

Zahri qotili gamu gussa va alamu anduh uro az in dunyo rabud. Du farzandi badbakhtash zoru hayron mondand.

Mardi zardina az hikoyati amaki Amir mutaassir gasht, nadonist, ki chi guyad. YAk ohi sarde kashidu chashmonash nam girift.

Devona ba odamone, ki uro maskhara mekardand, ahamiyat namedod. CHangi zaminro khezonda, meraqsidu meraqsid. Mondashaviro namedonist.

– Ina bin-a… Monda nameshavad-e!

– Devona-da!

In dam chun baloi osmoni Buqae paydo gasht.

– Hoy khar! CHang nakun! In jo kharjo ne!

Devona lahzae az raqs bozistoda, anduhgin ba u nazar afkandu:

– Nakhod?! Pah, bar padarat rahmat-e! – guyon, az nav ba raqs daromad.

In nopisandi ba izzati nafsi Buqa sakht rasid.

– Uyo, lanati! – guyon, az bandi dastash dosht va az miyonash tufangcharo barovard.

– E, valloh meparonad.

Az tars badani amaki Amir murgak raft.

In dam devona ba Buqa guft:

– Tu ba man chi kor dori?! Okhir, man na simu zar doramu na mansab.

Hama mot shuda budand. Kase yoroi sukhanevu amale nadosht.

– CHi-i?! Hoy, ochagar! Ba man jonat lozim!

Devona yakbora devonavor dandonhoi kalonashro nishon doda, khandid. Va in dam aftu andomi u dahshatzo gasht.

– Ho-o! Holo ham az jon ser nashudi?!

Buqa gurrid, ba misli sher nara kashid. Bad bo tufangcha ba bekhi gardani devona furovard. Devona ba zamin aftod. Buqa bo shatta beist ba badani u mezad.

Mardi miyonsole ohista guft:

– Milisa jeg zadan darkor.

Digare etirozomez guft:

– Lozim ne, az dusar nameoyand.

Mardi miyonsol yakravona guft:

– E-ha! Ajab odam budai tu. Hamin khel istodan megirem, ki kay in bechoraro kushta meravad.

– Eh-h Hudo! – guyon, mardi zardina bechorahol ba amaki Amir nigarist. – Okhir, uro mekushad.

Amaki Amir guyo nav ba khud omada boshad, yak ba mardi zardina, yak ba Buqa nigarist. Bad “harchi bodo bod!” – guyon, bo shitob rafta, az dasti Buqa dosht.

– “Zurmandi makun bar ahli zamin, to duoe bar osmon naravad”.

CHashmoni Buqa az kosakhonaash baromad. Tarhi ruyash bejo gasht. Hama gumon kardand, ki kori mardak tamom shud: holo yak tir az peshoni mekhurad.

– Pesh az ajalat murdan mekhohi?! – dod zad Buqa.

Amaki Amir naharosid. Uro sar nadod.

– Sar te! – bo siteza guft Buqa. – Sari in razilro az tanash judo mekunam!

– Sari u ba shumo chi lozim? – amaki Amir rost ba chashmoni u nigarist.

– YAk nonkhur kam meshavad, – dahon inj karda, khandid Buqa. – Nasibaash ba tu merasad.

– Nasibaash ba khudash nasib kunad, – oromona guft amaki Amir. – Dar in dunyo har kas rizqi khudashro mekhurad. Man ham, shumo ham, u ham. Hej kas, hej goh rizqi digarero khurda nametavonad.

– Ho-o?! – Buqa ba rui amaki Amir nigarist. – Tu az kujo medoni?

– Okhir, in qonuni tabiat ast…

– Man ba qonuni tabiatat kor nadoram, – sukhani uro burid Buqa. – Man mardam, boyad qavlamro ijro kunam.

– Okhir, nakardan az kardan osontar ast-ku? – amaki Amir boz rost ba chashmoni Buqa nigarist. – Sadii buzurg javonmardiro chunin tashreh doda bud: “Mardi na quvvat astu shamsherzani, on ast, ki javre, ki tavoni, nakuni”.

– Ho-o?!

– Ho, – guft amaki Amir. – Bad vay yori Hudo ast…

– CHi – chi?! YOri Hudo ast? Hamin-a?!

– “Devona – yori khudost!” – meguyand. Bo yori Hudo sar ba sar shudan khub nest.

– Ho-o?! Vay devona ast?

– Ho, devona… devonai modarzod, – bo anduhi garon javob dod amaki Amir.

Buqa lahzae karakht gasht. Daqiqae guzasht. Bad bo hayrati ajib ru ba amaki Amir ovard:

– Ho-o?! Rost?!

– Ha, rost, – guft amaki Amir. – Ana, Hudo shohid.

– Ho-o?!

– Tavoned, du dahon sukhani narmu garm gued, sarashro sila kuned, ba dastash yagon sum bidihed.

Dar in miyon devonai badbakht az joyash khest. Az chakkahoyash araqi gardolud meshorid.

– Eh-h! – Buqa tufangchaashro ba joyash guzoshta, ba amaki Amir nigarist:

– Hotiri mui safedat, – guft.

Bad sari devonaro chand bor sila namud.

– Bubakhsh jura, – guftu az kisaash chand sum barovarda, ba devona daroz kard.

Devona ru toft, nagirift.

– Gir, – oromona, vale bo ohangi qati guft amaki Amir.

Devona ba amaki Amir yak nigoh andokhtu ohista pulro girift.

– Aknun rav, az in jo, – guft amaki Amir.

Devona bo sari kham ravon shud. Buqa boz ba amaki Amir ru ovard:

– Hotiri mui safedat, – guftu boz tapponchaashro kashid. Dubora gurrid, ba misli sher nara kashid.

– Lanatiho! – ba sui odamoni jamomada dod zad. – Digar kor nadored?! In jo maymun dided?! Daf shaved!

Hama chun haykal shakh shudand.

– Daf shaved! – Buqa ba havo pai ham chand tir kholi kard.

Izdihom parokanda shud.

– Eh-h! – Buqa tufangchaashro boz ba joyash guzoshta, ba amaki Amir nigarist. Sipas:

– Hotiri mui safedat, – guftu raft.

Amaki Amir ohi sabuke kashida, khud ba khud guft:

– Oh, chi khel garm-a!

Voqean ham, ruz ruze bud nihoyat garm.

Va sagi berahmu khapgiri nafs dar bozor sayr dosht.

12 marti soli 2002

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